Vexen Crabtree 2015

vexen

Vexen Crabtree's Live Journal

Sociology, Theology, Anti-Religion and Exploration: Forcing Humanity Forwards


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Vexen Crabtree 2015
vexen

Unsure...

unsure about everything, and I keep getting unsure... Job, life choices, the country I'm living in, the whole physical & technical career, relationships... nothing is going my way although if you're a pure materialist everything looks brilliant.

I'm not a materialist, I'm a very deep & personal person.

I'm in a job that is shallow, and in a relationship that talks about communication and depth, but doesn't live up to it.

I can't live shallow... I have to change my morals or change my life... just for now I'm going to have more patience. I've got near-infinite patience. But patience only lasts as long as I care, and sometimes the callousness and coldness does actually hurt me; and where I'm hurt, I stop caring about things. That process can only be overriden by intellectual excuses for so long, whether it's caring about my job or the people around me (and all the previous text applies to both).

So just call me... tested.

In October there are some major changes that I'm just hoping will make things better.

The one thing that keeps it all together is remembering WHO I AM, my unholy rock of a religon, the organizing and vitalizing force in my life.

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*hugs you*
If yopu want a break and you're near London, feel free to drop by. I'll cook!
(that's ment as an encouragement, not a threat)

Thanks for the offer!

My phone, email, time, door, is always open to you dude.

From Anonymous 7

(Anonymous)
Hate to see people be confused, hurt, etc. I just pray God shows you the way to true happiness and the way to never ever be confused again. I know, you are tired of hearing this. I just keep praying. I do care, believe it or not. :>

I barely know you, so I don't know if I have the right to hug you. But, I will say that I sympathise, and wish you good luck.


Remember that going through a process of dissolution and sorting-out can lead to a leap to a higher state of being. As in Ilya's Progine's theory of chaos and complexity. I've experienced something like this in my life recently.


*big cat hug*

I know/hope you weren't affected by this week's tragedy, but I've been wondering about you...hope all is well.


I was travelling into London that day, and got stranded near Reading when all the public transport was stopped.

Everyone I know is fine, some are shaken, and some witnessed stuff.

Sorry for not letting you know I'm ok earlier, was not online. Thanks for wondering & hugs are appreciated.

Take care x

From Anonymous 7

(Anonymous)
What is your opinon on the Muslim Terrorists who bombed London?

living in Chaos in a PseudoOrdered system

You are unsure of life because everything isn't going your way. You are willing to wait until you don't care anymore. In october things seem like they will change around. what if they aren't better?
Life will usually be harsh to anyone. Is it really good for you to wait? you can change yourself to adapt better. Like the relationship that talks about a true connection. You can find ways to make it true on your side, and eventually things will fall into place because nature leads everyone to adapt to their environment or give up.
Why make intellectual excuses? It sounds like you don't have much of a definition of yourself. I challenge you to think about what you would like people to think about you when you die (begin with the end in mind), see where you wanted to be in life, what contributions you want to make, and write down a mission statement that reflect the goals to get there. The band-aids wont usually last long. If things get better, you can always get back into that state if you don't have much a definition(goals and roles) of yourself, your relationships, and your job. There is more then religion in life.
I live in chaos in a order system. Everyone thinks i am such a good person, but I can see the chaos in life and think in chaotic terms. Having a short definition of my self has helped some, but it takes time to figure it out enough to live a happy life. All things take time.

LIfe is uncertainty. Hurts, yeah, when you feel like you have to stop caring.

Being a complete materialist is not only unethical by most standards, but illogical. A society of more then a few people cannot stand if people only work for themselves. By acting as a caring individual, you can in fact be selfish and materialistic, not that I'm saying you are or should be.

Hope everything works out.

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