From: shuripentu	Date: January 8th, 2007 05:10 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Ooh! On a totally unrelated note, I've just gotten your letter, and I love the pin! It has now joined the proud ranks of buttons, pins, and dangly things on my Button Bag (TM). I wonder how long before some peace protesting nutter lynches me for it... :)

	From: vexen	Date: January 8th, 2007 05:31 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Yay, pleased you like it :-)

	From: harlequeen	Date: January 8th, 2007 05:17 pm (UTC)		(Link)

I agree with your analysis there. However, what do you say to people? Do you pull the rug out from under them? If somebody is leading a productive life living under a delusion does it matter? What should I have said to my mum when my dad died?

From: (Anonymous)	Date: April 11th, 2007 10:55 am (UTC)		(Link)
Re: What do you say to them?

It's an interesting question and a problem.

I'd normally say leave it be, but what if their beliefs are damaging
either to them or to you? What if you want to do something that their
dogma disallows but you cannot see harm in yourself? Then we get battles.

I am sometimes accused of challenging people's beliefs too much.
It can be hard not to when you are in a situation where you are up
against that religion - in my case recently a lot of pressure to attend
a church course to learn to become more Christian. It can become a
case of walking on metaphorical eggshells, especially when the other
positively shuns things that would cause the beliefs to be questioned,
refusing to see or read things that put the other argument.

Religion can serve a lot of good, but some of the lengths people can go to
to protect it rather than just adapt their philosophy to the circumstances
can cause problems.

From: (Anonymous)	Date: April 11th, 2007 11:25 am (UTC)		(Link)
Re: What do you say to them?

To answer the original question:

The belief that the loved one is in heaven can be comforting, but I think
it can cause problems in long term coping. It can result in attachment and
cause difficulty I think in letting go and completing the coping process.

I met someone who seemed very attached to the prospect that when she
died she will be with her late husband in heaven, even though it was
a while since he'd died. She was leading the course on Christianity I
mentioned before, so the possibility that someone could question those
beliefs was not well taken. As another example, the church in question
at a service to remember someone's death preached that "we look forward
to when we join her".

So what to tell children? Does it help them to tell them about heaven,
or to try to let them cope with the change? Coping with death of a loved
one is hard, but is the danger of remaining strongly attached, even
looking forward to, "joining them in heaven" more of a problem?

I think what you tell them depends on what is best for them. I think a
significant factor is how long that person can be expected to live.
Will the comfort carry them through long enough without the need to fully
let go?

	From: harlequeen	Date: April 11th, 2007 11:58 am (UTC)		(Link)
	Re: What do you say to them?

Thankfully my mum is more of a physical rather than spiritual Christian. On recently asking about this, she admitted? that she did not really believe that he was still around in any real way. I do not know whether she still believes in a god, but it's not something I'm likely to press on. After all a practical Christian who doesn't believe in god, and is tolerant of others is pretty indistinguishable from a humanist in many ways.