Mrs Crabtree makes me happy! I can put up with much more (in the outside world) when she is around, she makes me feel stable, relaxed, loved. Her crazy ways are always so cool :-)

She makes me emotionally satisfied in ways that she doesn't even know about!

And she always encourages me to do my coursework, to stop proctrastinating... she has effectively taught me to swim and has been patient with me.

We share things well... I do the tidying, she does the cleaning... I do the clothes washing, she does the cooking; I manage the computer network and she oversees the administration of our (3) cars.

I look forward to our "in" evenings more than I look forward to bank holidays and early days off!

Awwwwww.

Tags: family, marriage, relationships, vexen
Current Location: Monchengladbach, Germany
Current Mood: loved

Mrs Crabtree is a good person... she doesn't like being online much. She is independent and wise in a very common-sense, Earthly way. She is wonderfluly ignorant of religion and theology, like an adult implicit atheist. She is independent and strong.

I care about grand concepts, the eternality of thought, change and progress... I am Carl Sagan and the United Nations... Mrs Crabtree is the opposite. She cares about individual people, friends, the stability of peoples' everyday lives, and the importance of living good. She is the unit of the life, I am the overarching theory of life.

My worst point is my misanthropy... her worst point is her stoicism. So, I get bored and socially confused when she talks to about trivial human matters, who-did-what-to-who, etc, and she gets bored and confused when I talk about lofty concepts like democracy, sociology, the big existential questions and the subtleties of Human emotion.

On account of her not being online, I am afraid I either need to think of a 'codename' for her which is more personable than "Mrs Crabtree"... but what? She hasn't liked anything I have thought of, and doesn't care enough to think of anything for herself.

Tags: adulthood, friends, kindness, marriage, misanthropy, niceness, relationships, stoicism

A new page: Satanism and Love on www.dpjs.co.uk/love.html:

The Value of Love
Satanism is not a religion of hate, it is a religion of truth and humanity. The Human emotion that best expresses our humanity is love. Hate is a dulling of the mind, a primal state that undermines the best Human qualities of intelligence, compassion and progress. Hatred has its place and cannot be done without, but, love is much, much more valuable: The emotions surrounding love are stronger than those of any other state; a Satanist does not deny the pleasure of love, the pleasure of doing good towards the ones (s)he loves, nor the pleasure of simply being in love. Love, affection and attention are necessary parts of a healthy mental life, whereas hate and bitterness can both be left behind (as long as you don't leave your wisdom behind too). Satan represents indulgence, and in doing so, Satan represents love.

The Selfishness of Love
Love is perhaps the strongest emotion we possess. But it is ultimately selfish; the satisfaction and feel-good that it brings is an ultimate reward. Our instincts and needs underlie any altruistic behaviour, especially when it comes to love. That is part of the beauty of love... that you know your loved one loves you because it makes them feel good. You know that they know your love is selfish, and they are happy that you love them because it makes you feel good. Without this hidden, deeper selfishness, Human love would have less depth. Love is best and most beautiful when it comes from the depths of one person and extends to another, and both know that the other loves them for selfish reasons. We love someone because they make us feel good and they love us because we make them feel good. This combination is a supreme gift to our ego and helps explain why love is easily the most potent emotion.

To Love is Stronger Than to Hate
Love brings with it fragility: our emotions can be hurt more by those who we love than by strangers. The same applies to concepts. When we love a concept it becomes sacred to us, and it hurts us when that concept is insulted. When we commit ourselves to loving relationships and cultivate love, we are on a path of personal strength that makes paths of hatred seem easy. To hate is to take an easy route: To love is to test yourself more, apply yourself more, and to put yourself at greater risk than to hate. We can wind ourselves up into long-lasting patterns of hatred easily, but love requires more skill, more patience, more talent, more humanity and more emotional strength. To hate is to take the easy route. Love is not easy. He who dares, wins.

Tags: hate, hatred, humanity, love, relationships, satanism
Current Location: Afghanistan
Current Mood: blank
Listening To: Some Croatian dance stuff

Material things I miss:

1. Music / stereo / CDs
2. My car
3. My chair at my computer desk, at the same height, and not made of jelly like the wobbly wrong-height chairs we have here.
4. Broadband
5. My library

Things I don't miss:

1. German mosquitos
2. Going to normal work

People I miss:

1. Sam
2. Friends in general (with too many specific to mention).
3. My neighbours/neighbourhood friends where I live.
4. Ah ok, our 2 kittens.

Tags: friends, materialism, relationships, work

A network virus on the Roshan network (Afghanistan civilian net) has hit all the computers connected to it; the laptop I'm using will remain offline for a week or so until I scan it and fix it, and get new antivirus for it, and stuff.

So I won't be on Yahoo for a bit, and hey, I miss you guys already!

In other news, I will soon be back in Germany for ten days soon. Which is timely, I've got loads of stuff to do! Not least of all, spending nights-in with my wife!

Tags: afghanistan, computer viruses, geeky, germany, relationships

For those that don't know, I'm getting married within a month. Finally! We've been planning it since May 2004.

Many of you have invites already, many more invites are in the post or going to be delivered in person. All of you better come!

If you don't have an invite and you think you should have then *please* let us know, ok, so we can send you one!

It's going to be a great, fantastic day, in central London.

Wish the girl (who many of you know) good luck, and give the lucky groom (me) congratulations!

Replies to this post are screened so only I can read them.

Tags: life, relationships, vexen
Current Mood: happy
Listening To: "Tomorrow Never Dies" by Sheryl Crow

unsure about everything, and I keep getting unsure... Job, life choices, the country I'm living in, the whole physical & technical career, relationships... nothing is going my way although if you're a pure materialist everything looks brilliant.

I'm not a materialist, I'm a very deep & personal person.

I'm in a job that is shallow, and in a relationship that talks about communication and depth, but doesn't live up to it.

I can't live shallow... I have to change my morals or change my life... just for now I'm going to have more patience. I've got near-infinite patience. But patience only lasts as long as I care, and sometimes the callousness and coldness does actually hurt me; and where I'm hurt, I stop caring about things. That process can only be overriden by intellectual excuses for so long, whether it's caring about my job or the people around me (and all the previous text applies to both).

So just call me... tested.

In October there are some major changes that I'm just hoping will make things better.

The one thing that keeps it all together is remembering WHO I AM, my unholy rock of a religon, the organizing and vitalizing force in my life.

Tags: job, life, morals, relationships, unsure, work

"Focus" magazine #138 2004 May, p17
www.focusmag.co.uk
Pheromones
"How your partner smells is as important as their appearance, according scientists at the University of St. Andrews. They studied the effects of phermones and facial appearance on long-term relationshuips"

p31
"Revenge is Sweet" psychology article
"Do animals take revenge?"
"According to Stephen Beckerman, an anthropologist at Penn State University USA, vengeful behaviour is widespread in the animal kingdom. Blue-footed boobies (a type of bird), elephant seals, side-stripped jackals and European moorhens are all known as 'punishers' - they response to injuries by attacking those animals who hurt them. When it comes to primate, revenge gets more subtle - the injured individual may go for the relatives or allies of the guilty partry, instead. But the point is the same; the behaviour acts as a negative reinforcement, forcing the attacker not to damage the victim any further"

Link from Satanism page on violence (probably) http://www.dpjs.co.uk/violence.html ("Human beings are animals, sometimes better sometimes worse...")

Tags: pheromones, psychology, relationships, satanism, violence

I have just added the following new section to my Furry Subculture page:

"The phenomenon I am about to describe isn't limited to furry social groups. Sometimes a pair of close friends will adopt each other as siblings. So, one person may adopt another as their brother or sister, and then refer to them as such. The closeness that causes furries to do this can be either physical affection or an intellectual attachment to the other person. Some people do this more than others and have a large string of people they call bro or sis.

Because furry is a highly affectionate subculture, people who trust or are otherwise comfortable with each other can develop more intimate closeness with each other, despite there being no sexual relations. I have found that when people start assuming that a pair of friends are going out, even if they themselves have no intention of doing so, is when they are most likely to adopt each other as sibling and sibling, by mutual consent. This has a few affects:

1. It gives definition to a relationship that would otherwise be mistaken for a sexual one by others</p>
2. It lends itself to curbing more sexual behavior between the people, so, mutual adoption can be done in times when two people are close and trusting enough to form sexual relations, but do not actually want to do so. Adopting each other as siblings then puts up a mental barrier and changes the internal bonding of the relationship</p>
3. It can be done between friends as a way formalizing and declaring a friendship</p>

It lends an overall positive atmosphere to social groups, and reduces social pressure as people are more inclined to be nice to each other.
If we look at it as a form of ritual, the same as declaring support for a football team, then once you have made that declaration you come to take it more seriously. Likewise, when a pair of friends mutually declare each other siblings then it has the same affect, and the friendship becomes potentially more solid by the way of an informal social commitment."

Tags: adoption, friendships, furry, relationships, siblings
Current Mood: tired
Listening To: "Feierabend in Kiew" by Kiew

A friend thought I was going out with Penny... and if one person can think it, then others' can too!, so here follows rumour control! ("Rumour control" is the phrase used by the prison facility manager on Aliens 4): I am not going out with Penny, nor is such a thing on the cards. We're a bit close sometimes, we have known each other for four years!

Second related announcement; I am actually single. In my life I've had two long term relationships covering some four years, and at the moment I'm not actually looking for a relationship either, but partially that's because I'm not social enough.

I'm going to do a Slimelight write up, as this Sat night/Sun morning was more interesting than usual!

Tags: penny, relationships
Current Mood: tired
Listening To: "Where angels go to die" by Flesh Field

Nine Months From March

Tags: love, poetry, relationships, romance, tragedy
Current Mood: sad
Listening To: "Midnight Queen" by Inkubus Sukkubus

The Empire Girl, love poem by Vexen Crabtree

Tags: love, poem, relationships, webpages
Current Mood: melancholy
Listening To: "Modiltewnik" by Engelsstaub