January 4th, 2002

Vexen Crabtree 2015

New Years resolution

For an hour or two after new years I lit some candles (2 white, 2 black) and set out to make important new years resolutions. I've never seriously made any before... but this year there was a call to make a few. Yeah... more than one :-). I wasn't sure if they had to be entirely personal (like: Stop smoking) or if they could involve other people (look after someone). Resolve to:

1. Become more emotional.... learn not to ignore or suppress my own anger (I'm never angry), learn to express it more frequently when something is annoying me (I hate whining), learn to take my own emotional needs into account more (I'm too stoic). I'm sure I have a negative side, and that I feel hurt sometimes... my new resolve is to get into touch with that rather than continue to ignore the blank feelings where sometimes I feel there should be something else!

In the light of that...my second resolution is not "look after and give love to the girl I love". My second resolution is:

2. Mutual love, not to do what is best for her alone, but to do what is in the best interests of our love, to make sure I don't overlook my own needs. She warns me I do that and she's right! So... to take a long term view that includes myself, not just her, or just me, but both of us.