Vexen Crabtree (vexen) wrote,
Vexen Crabtree
vexen

Unsure...

unsure about everything, and I keep getting unsure... Job, life choices, the country I'm living in, the whole physical & technical career, relationships... nothing is going my way although if you're a pure materialist everything looks brilliant.

I'm not a materialist, I'm a very deep & personal person.

I'm in a job that is shallow, and in a relationship that talks about communication and depth, but doesn't live up to it.

I can't live shallow... I have to change my morals or change my life... just for now I'm going to have more patience. I've got near-infinite patience. But patience only lasts as long as I care, and sometimes the callousness and coldness does actually hurt me; and where I'm hurt, I stop caring about things. That process can only be overriden by intellectual excuses for so long, whether it's caring about my job or the people around me (and all the previous text applies to both).

So just call me... tested.

In October there are some major changes that I'm just hoping will make things better.

The one thing that keeps it all together is remembering WHO I AM, my unholy rock of a religon, the organizing and vitalizing force in my life.
Tags: job, life, morals, relationships, unsure, work
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