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Vexen Crabtree 2015


Vexen Crabtree's Live Journal

Sociology, Theology, Anti-Religion and Exploration: Forcing Humanity Forwards

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Vexen Crabtree 2015


A dream from 2002, Doomed: We fight dying tramps in an underground car park, and turn to ashes when time leaves us behind. It was a truly awesome dream, but I've never posted it on LJ, so here it is... abridged... click the link for full version & some commentary:

A girl and I are on a bed, in a public place. We are in [...] a cinema where everyone watches the film on beds. She is attractive. Her and I take it in turns to stroke a cat that is wandering around on our bed. [...] I asked her name, but she didn't say. At one point I pounced her, laid on her and kissed her cheek and neck. The kissing bit was awkward.

Suddenly, we are in a car, in a very old car park near an old, large low quality hotel. There is a freeway nearby, and the area is run down. A policeman wrenches open the car door and says (in these words I imagined him to say) "if you ever have bad luck, you better get out of here"

The car park has filled with fully armed police hiding around all the old or wrecked cars, pointing their weapons at the hotel. I take the girl away, towards the freeway. The other side of the freeway is an uninviting forest that looks dark and brooding, and the freeway has many cars going fast.

There are 2 ramps going down to an underground place. A smelly, old, dirty, disused place with tramps in. The dream has become a horror. Tramps appear frequently in my nightmares! We go down there because I want to be out of the line of fire. At the bottom of the ramp is a large room, with vertical pillars. Like an underground car park, but a very small one.

I am wearing tough black combat trousers, a leather jacket and tough leather gloves. I am holding a large heavy duty torch. [...] She says "we should go back up" and I agree. Someone throws a knife at us. I pick it up. A well built person stands in front of me with a big knife. I shout "no" at him. I make 3 similar pretend strikes at his hand, each time he moves out of the way. The third time, however, I know he is going to make a chop at my hand, so I only make half a strike and as his chop comes in, I make a quick slash and cut his hand.
He jumps on to the girl. I jump on to him. I press my knife into his back slowly by 2 inches. I think about pushing it all the way in but am scared it could go all the way through him and into the girl.

Something happens, and the guy runs away. The lighting changes, it is still night time and now is very quiet. There is a feeling that something is changing. I realize all the police in the car park are no longer there, and the hotel is now deserted. Even the tramps have become still, asleep and seemingly they have all died and began to rot. A foul smell is in the air.

For some reason "hell" is happening to us, the environment's dying means that an area of "hell" is surfacing inside and out of the girl and I. It's strange and there is a period of time in the dream where I'm bodiless. Not floating or moving, just observing the dark decaying basement car park with no body.

Using strong determination, I make the pair of us appear back in the car park outside the hotel on ground level. Momentarily she and I are there, and we are beginning to feel relief -- but something seems seriously wrong. We realize that we were too late, and there is no world for us to return to. We have been left behind.

We felt a moment of "connectedness" to each other, some emotion and sadness and some feeling, some recognition that our short term relationship has boosted our self esteem and sense of worth, because the relationship was so innocent and simple.

Before my eyes, she turns into a crumbling, rectangular pile of scorched black rock and her humanness evaporates; she is dead forever. This happens because we've been left behind and can no longer exist.

A moment later I know I turn into a similar black pile of rocks. In the very last moment of the dream, I see the cold wind brushing over her and sending thick dust into the atmosphere [...]. I will be blown into nothingness by the wind; all my strength was taken, but I didn't notice how or when.

The idea of just turning into rock and ash, and blowing away in the wind, made me feel melancholic in the dream. After it happened to the girl and I knew it was going to happen to me, I was resigned to it. There a bit of disappointment that life is short and things are unfinished, but the inevitability prevented panic or desperation. Things just ended with a sigh.

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Vexen how can you remember everyhing what you dreamed that night. I had an very weird and long dream last night and I can only remember some feelings or moments no matter how hard I try. It was vague... Poison.

I wrote it down at the time, years ago, but have only just posted it to LJ. It's been on my dreams website since it occurred. Don't worry, I haven't recalled it, four years later!

what a sad empty person you reveal yourself to be--yes death would provide oblivion BUT it wont come the way you dream it!!!--it wont end with a sigh(how ironically noir)there will be lotsa regrets that you wasted your time but hey hey thats your choice

You have disturbing dreams.

You don't sleepwalk too, do you??

I never sleepwalk, not even close. I don't find my dreams disturbing, but inspiring, peaceful (if dramatic)... and only occasionally am I actually scared. Most of the ones on my site are from 2001/2002.

I love my dreams and am disappointed they've stopped over the last few years. Although last night I dreamt of aliens, and the night before I dreamt of crawling black insects inside the walls coming out and taking over peoples' bodies... my modern dreams are not easily recalled or very long, anymore, I don't know why. *sad*


I always dream as I moved my dreamcatcher before the night. It is not the dreamcatcher that makes me dream but I remember it in the night self. I don't know why, it has no logical reason. But it helps, maybe it helps for you to, you don't need a dreamcatcher. It could be a thing like a rock, or mayme a ritual, you only need some faith in it. Poison. Good luck!

Various things can suppress dreaming, but the inability to recall dreams... I'm not sure. Maybe a change in schedule, or lack of sleep, or covert stresses; I don't know.

I haven't done the sleepwalk thing in awhile, thank goodness!

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